1:32 PM

Be prepared to Do What makes you happy folks!... much easier said than done..

So... its Christmas eve and I've had a couple days to take it in and began to process it.  It being my feelings, peoples responses and the suggestion to do what makes me happy. Even though I haven't quite figured out the magic list of directions that will make All Wonderful in the world of msmixedcutie.. I was recently reminded that I'm investing more into a situation than whats necessary.  I tend to do that once I'm invested emotionally.. as much as I say I'm not optimistic I guess I pick and choose certain things to be optimistic about.

You know, as I take my life experiences and try to learn from them by making changes to the way I use to do things, I'm finding that of course its still a learning process. I have decided since my last relationship that I owe it to myself to question things that make me feel uneasy or uncomfortable to put it nicely.  I owe it to myself to demand better and to take Action.  As with life in general, things are a work in progress and I feel that I must reflect to folks the value I see in myself.    I also must begin to recognize when the people I may be trying to draw in closer to the essence of who I am are not interested in getting that close.  That can be a hard thing to do when some things are good.  I've said before that its very easy to focus on the good.  Thats not a bad trait, I just need to balance it out so that I don't become blind to the facts.  What will happen as a result, I believe is, the folks who aren't really on the same page as I am will eventually fall back or drop off.  Ahhh.. but I do know! that sometimes neither of those things will happen if they are getting what they want out of the situation, I got that reinforced with my last relationship.  Now.. I guess what I need to work on now is streamlining that process.  Its not in my best interest to wait too long.  Life is short and either I seek out experiences and people who want to enhance my little time left here or I suffer the consequences.  Which for me can range from being emotional and upset to sad and I need to work on the Happy msmixedcutie.  I'm cute when I smile dammit!

I feel that some things are worth the investment  and can take time, like building a strong sense of trust and respect for a person.  So, I'm still trying to remain grounded when it comes to my expectations for a true, solid commitment.  Honestly, I don't really trust to easy.  Hey lots of folks have trust issues.... but instead of accusing of the horrendous or not giving folks the benefit of the doubt, I try to keep some of those thoughts to myself or at least to my friends who will lend an ear and help me put things in perspective.  It helps to balance things out.  Ultimately, people make decisions and unfortunately not all will be vocal or direct about those decisions.  I must not let myself be blinded by the good times.  It doesn't mean that I need to run away.... some folks can fit perfectly in my life just where they are.  Its up to me to have realistic expectations.. if casual romantic relationships are not my thing today.. then thats how it is.

I've experienced love before.. and even though its not easy, the certain little things that I appreciate as a romantic cancer flow ever so naturally.  So, I might retreat into my shell a bit, but its for protection and I've learned that when a person wants to show their feelings or true intentions it comes through.

So.. with all that.. Here are some video posts talking about my reaction, feelings to the situation.  I'm good yall.. better today than the other day.

Part 1

Part 2


NightFall914 said...

I'm curious what was said in the deleted vid.....

Msmixedcutie said...

Well.. being that it was almost an hour long.. quite a bit.. and ultimately I decided it was too much to share with the world at this point in time.. but I'm sure bits and pieces will start to work there way out as I begin acknowledge things and make strides to improve..


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