3:35 AM

BART Train, Guy Tryna to Hollar, Couples and Cheek rubbing!

I know that sounds random but thats because it is.  Today was an okay day, work was long and unfortunately still boring.  I did make it home in record time using public transportation combined with a short ride from the train station via my car to home.  I just wanted to share some of my experiences today.. was approached by a dude on the train, Neo soul was talking to my soul and I had to sit and bear witness to cheek rubbing on bart!  I made it though.. so sit back and let me tell you all about it!

4:51 PM

How Msmixedcutie has spent her Christmas!

So.. luckily I haven't spent the day crying but I've been doing something much more productive with my time.  And that is baking.. and wrapping gifts.  Today started out with a phone call from someone who is very dear to my heart.. this wasn't a family member. But it did lift my spirits to hear from them and it reminds me that sometimes it doesn't matter what folks think, love is love.   I actually haven't heard from Nan-1 family member.  Damn I don't even think my sis sent me a text... yep just checked No text from the sis.  Its aiight.. I'm gonna hit her up sometime today.   I got some other random generic texts from some folks, got included on the old mailing list of sorts.   So hey.. that lets me know where I stand in most peoples books..  but none the less I'm not bad today.. The baking has been keeping me busy and I have been listening to my Neo-soul night time play list on full blast all day.  Finally thought I'd play some Christmas songs to go with the day, only ones I had in my itunes was Mariah Carey, All I want for Christmas and Anthony Hamilton, Silent night.  Thats enough, I just realized I haven't even plugged in my X-mas tree all week.  I might need to do that.  So I might still attempt the drive to my moms which is about 100 miles one way, even though my car is acting up.  Hopefully I don't end up stranded... wish me luck yall.. hopefully its meant to be.

I've put together a short video on whats been keeping me busy.. Hope you enjoy!

Happy Holidays.. and thanks for keeping up with me.. its greatly appreciated!  xoxo's 

1:32 PM

Be prepared to Do What makes you happy folks!... much easier said than done..

So... its Christmas eve and I've had a couple days to take it in and began to process it.  It being my feelings, peoples responses and the suggestion to do what makes me happy. Even though I haven't quite figured out the magic list of directions that will make All Wonderful in the world of msmixedcutie.. I was recently reminded that I'm investing more into a situation than whats necessary.  I tend to do that once I'm invested emotionally.. as much as I say I'm not optimistic I guess I pick and choose certain things to be optimistic about.

You know, as I take my life experiences and try to learn from them by making changes to the way I use to do things, I'm finding that of course its still a learning process. I have decided since my last relationship that I owe it to myself to question things that make me feel uneasy or uncomfortable to put it nicely.  I owe it to myself to demand better and to take Action.  As with life in general, things are a work in progress and I feel that I must reflect to folks the value I see in myself.    I also must begin to recognize when the people I may be trying to draw in closer to the essence of who I am are not interested in getting that close.  That can be a hard thing to do when some things are good.  I've said before that its very easy to focus on the good.  Thats not a bad trait, I just need to balance it out so that I don't become blind to the facts.  What will happen as a result, I believe is, the folks who aren't really on the same page as I am will eventually fall back or drop off.  Ahhh.. but I do know! that sometimes neither of those things will happen if they are getting what they want out of the situation, I got that reinforced with my last relationship.  Now.. I guess what I need to work on now is streamlining that process.  Its not in my best interest to wait too long.  Life is short and either I seek out experiences and people who want to enhance my little time left here or I suffer the consequences.  Which for me can range from being emotional and upset to sad and I need to work on the Happy msmixedcutie.  I'm cute when I smile dammit!

I feel that some things are worth the investment  and can take time, like building a strong sense of trust and respect for a person.  So, I'm still trying to remain grounded when it comes to my expectations for a true, solid commitment.  Honestly, I don't really trust to easy.  Hey lots of folks have trust issues.... but instead of accusing of the horrendous or not giving folks the benefit of the doubt, I try to keep some of those thoughts to myself or at least to my friends who will lend an ear and help me put things in perspective.  It helps to balance things out.  Ultimately, people make decisions and unfortunately not all will be vocal or direct about those decisions.  I must not let myself be blinded by the good times.  It doesn't mean that I need to run away.... some folks can fit perfectly in my life just where they are.  Its up to me to have realistic expectations.. if casual romantic relationships are not my thing today.. then thats how it is.

I've experienced love before.. and even though its not easy, the certain little things that I appreciate as a romantic cancer flow ever so naturally.  So, I might retreat into my shell a bit, but its for protection and I've learned that when a person wants to show their feelings or true intentions it comes through.

So.. with all that.. Here are some video posts talking about my reaction, feelings to the situation.  I'm good yall.. better today than the other day.

Part 1

Part 2
12:22 AM

The extended vacation offically ends in 5 minutes! Back to work..

So.. as I start this blog post, it is approximately 5 minutes till 12am which will officially roll over to the first day of employment at my new gig.  Yay!  If you could only hear me think that because I couldn't even bring myself to say it out loud.  Oh man... its been a minute, a damn long minute since I've had to get up and go to work.  I was laid off (thats what they called it, but thats a whooooole other story and blog) but yeah I've been officially unemployed since the end of June 2009.  Dang!  I never thought that I'd end up going so long with out a new gig.  Now.. there is a lot more to this story of my job search and it would have been nice if I would have documented more of it like I bet millions of other folks have decided to do with their extra time at home.  

Lets see I've went on approximately 1, 2, 3... hmmm at least 6 in person interviews that I can think of, not to mention the many phone screens that can go on and on.  This particular gig that I'm to start tomorrow consisted of a technical phone screen, another phone screen with the department manager, an in person interview with both of them that lasted 2 hours and then I had to come back in to meet with a recruiter in HR.  All of this for a gig that pays me over 10k less than my last job.  So as excited as I want or should be about my new adventure back into a professional environment, I'm not quite there.  I think its pretty telling when the HR recruiter says to you that they don't intend for me to stay there more than a year as they would be hopeful that I would be looking for growth opportunities.  Hey that's right up my alley anyways but I think we both know that this position may not add to much to my skill set but!  hey maybe its who ya know.  One opportunity that I hope to take advantage of if I end up embracing this gig and it all works out is to take classes from the Art college for free.  So a class that normally would cost one approximately $2k per class won't cost me anything.  Not bad.. not bad. ..  and I love to learn so hey it can't be all bad.

My current challenge will be having to figure out how to combine a car ride to the nearest Bart station, a trip on the BART and a ride on a Muni bus to get to work on time.  2 years ago I would have be more than excited to work in the wonderful city of San Francisco now I'm just worried about how much money its going to cost for me to get there as the public transportation out this way is not cheap in my opinion.  Driving to the city is just about out of the question once you consider traffic, bridge toll and parking costs. 

So...  who knows tomorrow I'll have to wake up and pretend that for the last 5-6 months that I haven't been staying up most of the night, waking up when I want to wake up.  I'll need to be all smiles and ever so attentive.  Work.. man I need to start my own business!!!!!  So even though financially I'm not gonna be where I was at, hopefully if it works out here I can at least keep a roof over my head, some food in my belly (gotta keep my figure up ya know ... poppin the collar lol) and hopefully get some dang on medical benefits.  Gosh.. to be a responsible adult.. 

As much as I've had men want for me to call them daddy ......if one of them actually wanted to take care of me like I was a little girl I might .. just might take em up on the offer! lol

So.. after this I'll be getting prepared for tomorrow, figuring out what to wear, where to go and setting all the alarms I can get my hands on so that I can get my ass up. 

Till next time..

4:15 AM

I'm gonna keep me all to myself.. Unless ya know a lil something about Bjork.

This is going to be based off some randomness but I've been thinking about somethings tonight.  The other day when I was viewing the photos of an old school friend that I had recently reconnected with I happened up a comment that linked me to some random person they knew.  Before I knew It I was sucked into looking at the photo shoots of some random guy who seemed to have the SF Castro look down "wink wink" nothing wrong with that.. nice photos they were.  Ultimately that led me to a comment that referenced Bjork.  Now.. I'm not sure how many are familiar with her but over the years I have periods of time where I feel that I need something different and not mainstream to just listen to and get lost in.  Bjork has manged to do this over the years for me... 

One of my favorite songs that I can remember off hand from her is Pegan Poetry

Here are the lyrics:
"Pagan Poetry"

Pedaling through
The dark currents
I find
An accurate copy
A blueprint
Of the pleasure
In me

Swirling black lilies totally ripe
A secret code carved
Swirling black lilies totally ripe
A secret code carved

He offers
A handshake
Five fingers
They form a pattern
Yet to be matched

On the surface simplicity
But the darkest pit in me
It's pagan poetry
Pagan poetry

Morsecoding signals (signals)
They pulsate (wake me up) and wake me up
(pulsate) from my hibernating

On the surface simplicity
Swirling black lilies totally ripe
But the darkest pit in me
It's pagan poetry
Swirling black lilies totally ripe
Pagan poetry

Swirling black lilies totally ripe

I love him, I love him
I love him, I love him
I love him, I love him
I love him, I love him
She loves him, she loves him

This time
She loves him, she loves him
I'm gonna keep it to myself
She loves him, she loves him
She loves him, she loves him
This time
I'm gonna keep me all to myself
She loves him, she loves him
And he makes me want to hurt myself again
She loves him, she loves him
She loves him, she loves him
And he makes my want to hand myself over

A close second is Oceania..

I thought to myself the other day..  that the man that I probably will fall for will know who Bjork is... I guess some reasoning behind it would be that it would show me that he is open to different experiences.. having an eclectic music taste is a turn on for me.  Now if you really wanna catch my attention you might even know about the Bjork / Kelis Oceania remix!

Along the lines of traits that I find attractive in a potential is a good sense of humor.  It is equally as important as having a wide taste in music... honestly I think it even goes beyond just having a sense of humor.  I love folks who are funny as hell, someone I can joke with, act goofy, use my Cartmen voice and can crack jokes with.  I have learned that it is a big turn off for me to be around someone isn't funny.  Well I should say who isn't funny to me.. because maybe to someone else they are.  Hey I even think I got some jokes.. some may disagree.  But someone who can't get goofy with me or crack a good joke or be willing just to be silly and not give a damn about what some random person may think will definitely turn me off. 

Its the little things people..the little thangs.. :)
12:18 AM

PCOS.. what is it? Let Shanda from Man and Wife help break it down

I recently was turned onto Shanda from the Man and Wife show from my long time friend NightFall914 when checking out his blog called Blu Flame Blvd. not too long ago

I don't know how I didn't know about them before.. but I guess I'm just that out of the loop when it comes to internet or tv shows..  but I'm glad they are on my radar now..

I was intrigued when she briefly mentioned that she too had PCOS.  She promised a blog about the subject and I just wanted to take a second to share for those who are interested.  I completely am a poster child when it comes to symptoms and PCOS.  Seeing a together positive sista like Shanda gives me hope and it helps to see her helping to spread the word about PCOS.  It's easy to feel alone.. but its not the end of the world!

So.. its worth the few minutes to watch this video, even just to educate yourself on the topic and it will also allow you to see a little glimpse of another part of msmixedcutie.. if you have questions don't hesitate to comment or email me at: msmixedcutie@gmail.com


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