5:38 PM

Holidays.. family and feelings..

Its easy to loose sight of the things one has during the holidays.  Some folks are blessed with not even having to ride out that roller coaster of emotions.  They don't have to hit the lows and figure ways to bring them back up to the here and now.  So.. with that being said.. I'm happy to report that I'm not hitting any serious lows.  I'm sad.. feeling a little lonely.. but overall I'm okay.

I started out this Thanksgiving holiday with trying to motivate myself to make my way down to my home town so that I can see my mother and hopefully be able to visit my brother who is incarcerated.  I even decided to get into the spirit by baking some homemade desserts.  I really do like to cook but its hard to inspire yourself to cook when you live alone and don't have too many folks to entertain.

So, its the day before and I've made a Sour Cream Pumpkin bundt cake with a streusel center and was ready to make my way the 100 or so miles pretty soon.  I was going to make another dessert but I thought I'd check in on my mother just to see how things were progressing.  Well, I call and find out that Thanks giving is going to be held at my mothers, boyfriends brother's house.  Ummmmm.. Yeah.. sooooo.. that just about stopped me in my tracks.  Well, it definitely has slowed me down.  I'm trying to talk myself into just going so that I'm not here alone sulking about the fact that I don't really have a group of folks to congregate with to enjoy the festivities.  Plus, I know this is not just about me.. but my mother would like to see at least one of her babies show up. 

The reason that going to her boyfriends brothers house is even a problem is that we don't get along.  Many years ago I decided I would help him out, just because he was my mothers boyfriends brother and that reason alone.  I usually keep two cars and had this little Saturn that I wasn't driving that had been overheating.  I ended up selling it to him for next to nothing and even let him take it while only paying me super low payments.  This was a good ass hook up for him.  (Oh!  I've learned my lesson too.. ) Well do you know this person not only quit paying me, but ended up abandoning the car racking up tickets and eventually a towing bill from the city.  I ended up getting stiffed with this over $1000 bill on top of not getting the money for the car itself.  He never apologized  to me.. and quite a few years ago I ended up going off on him one day when he happened to come by my mothers house.  If I could have fought this grown ass man I probably would have but that wasn't a reality or even acceptable.  I can get feisty though, usually its when I think I'm being taken advantage of.

Basically, this all makes for a very awkward situation whenever we are in each others presence which is not often.  Usually, if he is at my moms and I show up he will leave or vice-versa. This man has to be in his 40's or even early 50's.  As much as I love my mother, holidays around the family are usually drama filled and each year becomes more sparse.  I recall one holiday where my uncle got into a fight with my moms boyfriend and ended up stabbing him.  I missed that fight, I think I picked up my plate and drove on off.  They have reconciled which is what family normally can do.. but who knows where my uncle is these days.  Its crazy to me how I can have 5 siblings and the holidays look like this.  My mother doesn't even know where my other sister is at as she is halfway living on the streets.  She's in her late 30's or maybe early 40's .. I don't even know..I must be getting old.  I'm not in contact with other little sister as our relationships is quite strained, haven't heard from my niece since I sent her money via Money Graham and my other sister is halfway across the United States.  My older brother I have no idea where he is as I've only met him a few times in my life.. So this trip would pretty much be to see my mom.

I was checking the web to see if my brother has any visits left and it looks like he might not have any for this week.  So, thats a bummer.  Interestingly enough I did get a call yesterday from a correctional facility that I think may have been where my bro is at.  Unfortunately, instead of hearing the name of who was calling I heard obscenities in its place. I think it was some name calling going on.  ::Exhale:: Yeah.. now I don't know for sure if it was my bro and honestly I can only guess as to why I would get that call but considering his life long circumstances I can work on understanding.  Its fucked up.. but understandable.  Sooooo...  that would have been another awkward meeting that I may still end up subjecting myself too in the name of family.

Yeah.. I don't feel like doing much of anything other than maybe taking my ass back to sleep.  But! I did get another call from my mom encouraging me to come down and saying that they will cook at her house.  I tried to talk her out of that and encourage them to just enjoy someone else cooking for thanks giving and said that I will come.

So.. I have a feeling I won't make it there till maybe 10 or 11pm tonight but I'm going to try to come.  I think I'm going to write a letter or two to some loved ones..

So.. bottom line.. if thanks giving is your thing or not..  be thankful what you do have.. I'm a bit jaded when it comes to Happy Holidays.. or Happy Birthdays.. or family get together anything.. so I'll adjust and try to make it work.   I know that its something that I hope to be able to really enjoy one day.. whether its with my own family, friends which for lots of folks especially in a location like the Bay is their family or.. maybe I'll have made my own family one day.  Or maybe I'll end up in this healthy relationship and inherit a family lol.. but for now... I'm going to work with what I got.. and go see the moms..

Everyone be safe.. and spread the love..

Msmixedcutie aka
Sweet P :)
1:56 AM

It will BLOW your mind....it just tastes better.. Really!

 So.. I was my car and had picked up some Fast food.. knowing damn well I didn't need it.  So I'm riding home tryna taste them freshly made frys all the while practically burning my fingers.  Then I thought to myself... hmmm.. You know something that I think really is telling of the level of affection towards someone.  Its when you feed them in the car.  Even though the first person I remember doing this wasn't a a boyfriend or prospect but my little sister.  I remember when she would get the burger out and everything for me to taste while driving.

Then I got to thinking.. you don't just do that for anybody.  I only have fed folks I've tended to care about.. now I'm sure this can carry over to other locations like the house or even when you are out and about.. but I'm specifically talking about the car.  Its sweet! lol.. I mean.. its damn near torture to smell freshly cooked frys and to be driving while someone else is getting their grub on. Now.. its one thing for a women to feed a guy in that manner.. but for a guy to actually give up a bite of burger or frys while your driving for a female.  Thats getting serious lol..  Now those are some of the good memories I have..awww.. being fed food in the car..  Now.. I'll save the blog about the last bite! Thats almost like next level.. :)

3:37 PM

The Day after.. Mai Tais, Pizza and a few words from ya girl!

Just a few words from me after a night on the town.  A little tipsy off some Vodka shots and a couple Mai Tais... enjoy!

4:23 AM

If you knew Better, You'd DO better!!! Say What?!?

Too much time on a Friday night.. turned Saturday morning.  Thought I'd go ahead and upload this long ass video post to Youtube.  Lot's on my mind lately, hopefully this will help clear this part up a bit to make room for other stuff that really should be taking center stage.
Hey why not.. listen and comment.. I'm curious..

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 

4:51 AM

Shes a Bad Mama Jama....they said what is a "Bad Mama Jama?" WHAT!!!!

 So I was out shopping at a local chain store that I tend to hit up pretty regular.  I was in the shoe section and there was 2 black young ladies who appeared to be in the teens.  One of the girls was looking for a colorful pair of tennis shoes, something you might imagine some teen girl wearing with some shorts that are way too short!  Her little friend was right behind her trying to help her find her size and then there was this older black guy who was with them.  He seemed to be around my age or even in his mid thirties.  He was trying to be young though.. hair in corn rows, some urban jeans and some t-shirt.  By the look of them and how he was interacting with the girls.. he didn't seem like a relative but at the same time he didn't seem like one of the girls man either just by body language.  So.. I'm not sure what his role was..  but he was with the girls because he was commenting on the shoes.. and trying to give little opinions on what they were looking at.

So,  interestingly enough She's a Bad Mama Jama by Carl Carlton was playing in the store.  Yeah.. this was not your local Macy's .. and one of the little girls goes.. "Shes a Bad Mama Jama!, what does that even man, those aren't even words" lol.. WHAT!!!!

You don't know what a bad mama jama is!  I mean the song tells ya..

Here's some lyrics ... 

"She’s a bad mama jama
Just as fine as she can be, hey
She’s a bad mama jama
Just as fine as she can be

Her body measurements are perfect in every dimension
She’s got a figure that’s sho’ ‘nuff gettin’ attention
She’s poetry in motion, a beautiful sight to see
I get so excited viewin’ her anatomy

(She’s built) She’s built, she’s stacked (Oh, she’s got)
Got all the curves that men like (She’s got all the curves that men like)
(She’s built) She’s built, she’s stacked (Oh, she’s got)
Got all the curves that men like (Got all the curves that men like, look at her)"

Now.. what was even more interesting was what the black guy said to the girls..  He goes, its like.. "Shorty's a 10!"

I'm getting old!.. lol..

11:17 PM

Still looking for a new Gig.... interviewed today

So.. I had another job interview today.  It has been a while since the last one which seemed to go well but seemed to be sabotaged by my ex employer.  Thats a long story.. so much for laying someone off due to "Budget reasons".  Anyways.. I went with the Black suit, hair pulled back in a bun and simple makeup.  The interview seemed to go pretty well.  I had went through 2 phone screens first while I was in Vegas.. and the interview itself lasted for about 2 hours today.  I'd be working with all men which is nothing new.  There is something about this whole field of technology that seems to keep the women away.

This gig.. doesn't seem too overly technical to me, honestly I feel a bit over qualified but I can't say too much considering the interviews that I've been on that I thought would have landed me a job.  I mean I am still on an extended vacation.  One perk considering the nature of the gig itself would be the ability to take under graduate classes for free.  Since I would be working at the Academy of Art.  This has been the longest stretch of unemployment since I started my working career more than 10 years ago.  The first few months.. were ya know.. a bit of a vacation!  I mean once you start working its hard to get time off in chunks.. but after 4 months.. and you live alone things start to get a little uneasy to say the least.

So.. I should hear something in about a week or two.. hopefully its good news.. and if not I'll keep on keeping on.. as I have been doing.  Oh.. I did get a damn parking ticket today.. was about 10 minutes late.. thats my luck!  Damn $55 ticket..   Hey I'm taking donations.. because lord knows I need them..

I have pics and video from Vegas.. hopefully I'll get it up soon..

Till Next time..

10:12 PM

New Dress! Road Trip.. Las Vegas.. Hey.. what can I say?

So.. I'm feeling a bit tired.. and not really super hyped up as I probably should be but!  Here I am embracing my spontaneous side....  Decided a few hours ago.. to do a road trip to Vegas.. found a good deal on a 4 star hotel.. got me a little new dress last minute.. I mean the store was turning the lights out on me.. and I'm baking some chicken with veggies & rice to take on the road lol.. Hey it was going to go bad if I left it here. 

I will say.. that considering my financial situation..  I don't like to travel damn near close to broke! But there is something about my desire for excitement and wanting to create lifetime memories that is driving my ass to take this random trip out there.  I'm thinking that as long as I have enough money to get my ass home if the folks on the road trip start acting up.. I'll be good!  Just someone.. if ya know me please hit me up and remind me to walk away from the black jack tables at some point.   I've been gambling since I was in high school.. playing poker with the grown folks winning all their money. So.. I might just need a friendly reminder lol

I plan on eating at that one buffet.. Yall know the one.. playing some Black jack.. cause that is my GAME!  and drinking some drinks while playing some nickle slots which I dont even like to play....  so we won't be high rolling.. but hopefully having a good ol time.. hopefully I'll get to get my party on a little bit cause I do love to dance.. and if I can even find some hook up prices for a basic little Vegas show.. I'll be doing alright.   Hmmm.. so I should be packing right now.. need to charge up the iPod and digital camera and get ready to hit the road! 

Wish me luck yall!
1:42 PM

She said, "Take it from a 6ft foot tall, 40 year old White woman"

Don't ever settle!

Now the woman was clearly drunk! I wondered how the hell she had got to the bar.. but I was later informed that she had a driver.. Thank goodness! But she told me that I was one the prettiest women that she'd seen in a long time. Now.. this is quite possibly the result of excess alcohol.. She started the comment off by saying that she wasn't a lesbian and them proceeded to tell me.. maybe 3 or 4 times.

You know, compliments from drunk folks are always questionable.. but hey I'll take this one. But there was just some truth in her eyes when it came down to her telling me to Never settle! It was like.. she was saying.. Don't be a 40 something year old woman, who is 6ft tall and 6'3" with heals.. (that couldn't happen.. hey I'm only 5'3" lol) drunk off your ass in a dive bar, attempting to sing "Fever" and this was all somehow the result of settling.

Now, I'm sure I made my own story.. but I need to actually heed some advice dammit!.. I know I've used that line.. "I don't want to settle" but its apparent that I have.. whether its been relationships, dating, jobs and the list can go on.. My tolerance is pretty low for certain things as I accumulate the years... but! I've noticed that an old school trait that I've always tended to fall back on.. is creeping up again. If I like him.. I give him a pass every now and again.. Now! I think this is okay once you have established some basic guidelines.. but if I'm not feeling the the casual then.. I need to stick to my guns.. and NOT settle for bull shit! lol

Anyways.. for whatever reason.. that woman made an impression.. now lets see how long it lasts..
2:49 AM

I won Best Costume... Halloween weekend update

Hey.. I decided to go ahead and do another video blog with a little update about Halloween weekend. Its pretty late.. so I'm about to take it to the bed but I hope you enjoy.... more to come and let me know what you think about the pictures!


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